Dread

I clutched my stomach
And broke a sweat
This wasn't a dream
No such luck

I counted one to three
Hoping it would set me free
But when I got to a hundred
My heart filled with dread

I sighed and cried
Tears dripping onto the floor
This was just the beginning
The pain would only grow more

No one could help me
I was on my own
But that was alright
Why should anyone else fall down

-Krithika Rangarajan

Dead

Smiling through my lips

No twinkle in my eyes

I say what’s right

And suffer deep inside

It’s tough to be one

It’s harder to be two

Nodding my head at everything

And always saying “Me too!”

I know not how long I can laugh

Without betraying others

I know I should stop

And just say “Enough!”

But something holds me back

Like an addictive drug

So I continue on

Giving hollow hugs

-Krithika Rangarajan

Flipping Technology

My husband and I visited an AT&T store to buy an I-phone for his uncle.  As the salesman began his spiel about  the zillion choices -  2G, 3G, 8 MB, 16 MB - I became cross-eyed, and turned my attention to the other customers.  Everyone was gathered around Blackberries and I-phones, talking among themselves, trying to choose the coolest option on the market.

Bored, I ran my fingers through each of the phones until, gasp, my fingers grasped a tiny flip-phone!!!  Elegant and compact, it totally stole my heart!   I slid towards the salesman, and, in an husky voice (or my version of it), asked him why there are only three types of flip-phones in the store.  He looked at me like I was nuts, and diplomatically stated that no company wants to create them anymore (Translation:  You are a fool to want one today!) Now, you too might mock me for being interested in an ancient design  in an era of I-phones and I-pads.

But I have always been like that.  I'd rather use desktops than laptops (laptops than tablets); I prefer mp3 players to Ipods, and so on.  Despite working in the telecom industry for three years, I cannot understand complicated phones.  Just give me something to make calls and text with, and I am happy. Aren't people worried about turning blind while browsing the Net or playing games on small screens?

Similarly, I don't understand the fascination with flat screens.  Flip-phones are sexy and curvy!  Gimme them any day!!! .:)

Your favorite summer accessory

Summer is here.  So are bright colors, soft fabrics, and vibrant designs.

Most of us own that one special accessory that we just cannot live without; be it a sandal, a sunglass or fashion jewellery.  What is your season's favorite?

Mine is a big yellow bag that my mom gifted me.  Not a single day goes by without someone oohing and aahing over it. It is not only stylish, but also very practical. A slob like me will especially love this bag because you can dump tons of things into it.  Of course, it's not fun to rummage through all that crap, but who cares as long as it looks good from the outside!

So awestruck am I by this bag that every other handbag I own seems jaded in front of it!  Thanks mum - I love ya

My trip to DC

I visited my parents for a month in May, and thoroughly enjoyed my stay.  I cannot remember the last time I had this much fun on a holiday.  My only gripe was that I didn't get enough alone time with my parents since we had guests all the time.  Like a musical chair, as one left, another one came!!  Nonetheless, it was lovely to spend time with long-lost relatives and friends.

Outside the White House

The first to arrive were our neighbors from over twenty years ago.  This elderly couple was a hoot!  The uncle, who is 78, displayed such a zest for life that I couldn't help being envious.   He could chat about everything, from movies  to politics; from cars to music.  The Aunty was also very sweet, caring, patient, and reminded me of my grandmother.  We toured D.C. with them, and also drove to Augusta to meet with my sister's family.

Aww...my cuties

It goes without saying that I LOVE being with my niece and nephew.  I spent every waking moment with them; playing ball, kicking each other, jumping on each other.  Unfortunately, it was only a 3-day trip, but I left with a promise that I shall be back.

With my mom's cousin, her husband and daughter

Uncle and Aunty left soon after getting back.  The house seemed empty without their luminous presence.  But we weren't alone for too long because my mom's cousin's family arrived next.

Wet as a rat

Affectionate and open-minded, this Uncle and Aunty were also easy to love (it also helped that both of them work in my choice fields - Marketing and Advertising). Their daughter is a  smart, fun-loving, diligent girl, and we hit it off very well.  While they visited DC mostly by themselves, I accompanied them to a couple of places, such as the Newseum (a museum dedicated to news).  We also had a gala time at the beach.  I got completely wet, and we played water Frisbee!

With my best bud

In between these visits, I met with one of my best friends, who is also an ex-colleague.  We spent two hours chatting non-stop about all and sundry, after which we went boating at Lake Burke, Virginia.  I was initially scared to step on the boat, but my friend convinced me to do so.

Enjoying the breeze

Boy, am I glad that he is so persuasive, for we had the time of our lives!!!!!  Of course, while all the boaters around us were working the oars hard, my friend and I sat comfortably in our motor boat!Oh, shush...we are not lazy :P

Best Friend - 1

Best Friend-2

 Couple of my close friends also visited me.  We watched movies, and waxed nostalgic for hours. I sorely miss them since they live miles away, but one of them might actually move close to me very soon, which is fantastic!

Throughout my stay, my mom pampered me by cooking my favorite meals, doing my laundry, making my bed, and so on.  I would have loved to stay longer, but my heart sighed for my husband, and I returned to Chicago-land with a chock-full of memories that will last a lifetime.

Happy Father's Day

I have always been my mother's baby.  She is my confidant, guide and friend.

But my dad is equally special.

While I often chide him for displaying favoritism towards my sister ;), he has always encouraged me and my dreams. He has an innate ability to calm me down during moments of stress.  As I was battling Anorexia, he stood by my side like a rock, giving me space, but yet calmly steering me through those tumultuous times.

With a smile that lights up his face, my father is a clear favorite amongst all age groups.  He is kind, friendly and sociable.  He is also the smartest person I know.  But his most appealing quality is that he doesn't have an ounce of ego, thereby endearing him to one and all.

For all this and many more reasons, I love you, dad ----- forever

Day of Bliss

My husband and I went boating for around thirty minutes today, which reaffirmed my belief that such simple, yet precious moments make life worth living.

As we paddled together, leaving our worries far behind, we breathed in the fragrant air,and basked in the beauty of our surroundings. It wasn't even necessary to speak to enjoy each other's company.  In silence, we held hands, and thanked the Lord  for giving us the opportunity to experience such a soul-stirring happiness.

Of course, I bugged him to take several pictures, which, while may not have come out very good, are reminders of a beautiful day on the lake.

Encore, please!

My cuties

While talking to my sister today, I realized that my niece and nephew are turning seven and ten respectively.   I still think of my nephew as a three-year-old bouncy baby, and find it hard to believe that, in three years, he is going to become a teenager!  And my sweet, little innocent niece will also grow up very soon, leaving behind some beautiful memories of baby-hood :-)

I still recall my nephew's mischievous smile as he crawled into my bedroom, and called me "JiJi" - his first ever word, as I often proudly declare.   That name has withstood the test of time, and now everyone, from my sister to my mother, fondly refer to me as Jiji!  Will a grown-up boy substitute some other name instead? I fear!

As for my niece, I enjoy the sparkle in her eyes as she plays Teacher-Student or discusses girly things, like dolls or makeup.  Will she find some other friend to share sweet-nothings? I fear!

I love these two more than my life, and even the thought of growing apart scares me to death.   Selfish, I know, but I wish they remain my babies forever

A fun Sunday

Today has been very relaxing.  After a late breakfast of Scrambled Egg Whites and a piece of Angel Cake, I requested my husband to take new pictures of me to upload on Facebook!  Poor guy had to bear with me as I pranced around in different tops.  Later, we met with his Aunt for a quick chat, followed by a delicious meal at Taste of Thai.

We started off with Fresh Vegetable Roll as an Appetizer.  For the entree, I had Mixed Vegetable gravy with Brown Rice, and he had Tom Yum soup with Brown Rice.  We couldn't finish the whole thing, but it was still very satisfying.

After lunch and a pit stop at Walmart for some groceries, we spent half an hour playing Frisbee. My husband, forever a child at heart, enjoyed throwing and catching the yellow disc, while I basked under the warm sunshine.  Right now, we are watching the Rajni-starrer Endhiran; a fun film that has more style than substance.

I expect the rest of the day to pass by smoothly too, since we have nothing planned except some more TV-time and a simple dinner.

Tomorrow is another day.

Culinary adventures

Although going out for a bite might seem as an easier option, I have learnt that it is also expensive and certainly not as satisfying as a home-cooked meal.

While leaving Maryland after a month-long stay at my parents' place, I promised my mom and my husband that I would cook daily.   I have kept my promise this week; from Mushroom-Matar curry to Minestrone soup, I have tried a variety of dishes.  For now, I completely enjoy playing chef.  I try to plan my meals one day ahead so I could grocery-shop, and, while some dishes haven't tasted very good, I believe it's all part of a learning process.

Of course, my sous-chef, aka hubby dearest, complains as much as and as loud as he can.  Pity his wails fall on my deaf ears! :P Seriously though, he has been immensely supportive, and, despite some ill-advised jokes, eats whatever I make.

So what new recipes have you tried lately?

At crossroads

Most people spend the first few years of their married life spinning dreams and fulfilling desires.  I spent mine at hospitals.   As someone diagnosed with an eating disorder, I lived my life out of bags, shuttling from one therapy center to another.  By God's grace, and the love and support of my dear ones, I recovered from this disease, only to fall prey to acute abdominal pain and headaches. It won't be an exaggeration to claim that I saw more of doctors than my husband during this period of strife.  My life had come to a standstill.  


Today, I am feeling much better physically, but my heart remains devoid of happiness.  I lost a huge chunk of my life due to my childishness, and I am now struggling to pick up the leftover pieces.   I know not what to do or how to go about figuring out what to do.  


Nonetheless, I am glad to be surrounded by those who love me and want the best for me.  I am trying to take it one day at a time, one dream at a time.  Restarting this blog is my first step towards a new life.